Every morning when I see the sun grazing the balcony of my third floor apartment, I feel a hug from the universe. It’s like a little reminder every morning that everything is going to be okay. It was a comfort that I needed when I first moved to this adult community for a month long respite stay.

The view from the balcony is mostly tree tops, but you can see a glimpse of the walking trail between the trees. It’s a lovely walkway that goes all the way around the building with park benches sprinkled here and there for those who need to stop and rest. There are a lot of wonderful amenities here, including an indoor and outdoor pool, hot tub, tennis courts and lots of activities. The most popular of which is nickel dime bingo among my elderly neighbors. I have yet to partake in this event, but I love to hear their stories when they come back for their nightly talk at the nurses station at the end of the hall.

I am here in Independent living not for medical reasons, but because my bathroom and kitchen at home had major water issues because of a leaking shower, that led to water logging my sub flooring. Apparently, it turned out to be more work than my landlord anticipated as he is adding one more week then planned. I’m not happy about the extension but very excited to get back home.

It’s not that I absolutely hate it here. It’s been kind of nice, but I do miss being able to cook for myself and there are some accessibility issues that are a fall risk in the bathroom that have had me worried enough to interfere with my enjoyment of being here. Despite that, I have learned that my body can still do things that I didn’t think it could do. Maybe it’s because I have to. Maybe this is one of those lessons that are uncomfortable, but needed in order to grow. At least that’s how I choose to look at it.

I’m tempted to get on a soapbox about how this system is broken, but I realized it’s very complex when you look at both sides. I just want to help so bad. I hurt for these people here that are feeling abandoned and lost to their former lives. However, not all of them feel this way, some of them love their life here and the freedom that it gives them. The plethora of people here make me feel like I’m in the land of misfit Toys. It’s part of the stigma that I had when I moved in here. I was overwhelmed with feelings of abandonment myself and I felt like it would be a bad combination. Confronting this fear has been uncomfortable but very beneficial.

My biggest problem with this system is the lack of freedom that makes you feel like a prisoner. If you come here through Medicare all of your assets belong to the nursing home. You get $50 of your social security and that’s it. If you work, they take that too. If you tried to make a little side hustle, they take that too. Fifty dollars a month, that’s all you get, and if you try to save it back, they take it too. In return you get your room, your food, transportation, phone, and your cable, and there’s even Wi-Fi. What you do not get is your soaps, your shampoos, your laundry detergent, cleaning supplies, and so on. You can forget having a cell phone too and all of your bills that you had left over from your life before, are not going to get paid. No wonder how many people are sad to be here and feel trapped. I know that I would. It is a system that really needs an overhaul. There’s a cautionary tale here. Save your money, get more than one source of income, plan in advance regardless of how young you are. The advantage that this flawed system has is most people don’t plan ahead. Most people are living for the now. I have been no different, but that’s all about to change.

This trip has forced me to come to terms with a lot of things when it comes to my independence and my mobility. The fragility of both are not lost on me. In fact, it screams at me like a Las Vegas neon sign. I’ve recommitted to changing my lifestyle and getting in shape. Aging with cerebral palsy requires facing my problems with being overweight and out of shape. I can still turn it around and make a big difference in how I’m able to take care of myself in the future. Being here is not been terrible but I don’t plan on nursing home life for another 20 years at least. There is still so many things that I want to do.

As of this day I have 15 days left here. I find myself wishing there was something I could do to help the lonely hearts within this place. I want to fix it for them all. I can see that there’s a lack of resources and not enough help in this community.

For the remainder of my stay I may tell you a few stories from within this community and the people that I’ve met. I hope you will join me.

Much 💕💕 love 💕💕