I remember it like it was yesterday. It was the early 90’s and I had just gotten off the phone with the guy I was crazy about. He had told me that his ex was back and he had to see it through. Disappointed I grabbed my notebook and a pen and went out on my front porch to do a heartbreak brain dump and watch cars go by. I loved the feel of the hot summer sun on my cerebral palsy legs. Heat always relaxed the tense musles and I love being outside.

I knew going back to his ex wasn’t going to work. Everything in me wanted to call him back and try to convince him that I was worth a chance. The light on the corner changed and a row of cars started going by. It was exactly one minute and fifteen seconds before it would tun red again. I began to write “I’ve been running in your shadow for so long, trying to catch up to you.” That line was the first thing that popped in my head when I started writing. This song came to me like it was hand delivered by the Universe itself. The melody took form immediately and I imagined

clap clap – clap. clap clap clap clap. clap clap – clap. clap clap clap clap.

All I needed next was a guitar strum and the song would come together. I was able to make it happen once but the musician I was working with and I lost contact. Life got in the way and it wouldn’t be completed till decades later This song was origionally published in the Songs from the Backseat chapter of my poetry book Through the Cellar Door (2022) . This year I started working with Suno and was finally able to bring my song to life! .

I ended the song on a positive note because I like happy endings and a part of me honestly believed that life would bring him and I back together. Spoiler, it didn’t but I am glad that I ended it on that positive note. Because, I still have the possibility of someone someday taking a chance on me.

The image I used for the video is a representation of the chase of the song, the representing of my disability and all the things that encompasses. It is meant to open the conversation.

I hope you enjoy the song.